A few weeks ago I read a blog in the online Mail & Guardian titled Creating Successful Families (www.thoughtleader.co.za/robinbooth). It was incredibly insightful and really made me sit up and re-look at how I connect with my nearest and dearest. Robin Booth, the author of this article, spoke about how he and his siblings are scattered around the country and they only get together on special occasions which are becoming too few. This resonated with me as my family is also all over the country, the world, and even if they are in Johannesburg, they are sometimes more than an hour drive away. (I have put quotes from Robin Booth are in italics.)
In our, and I do dare say this, busy lives it is very easy to let connecting with family and friends slip. Which is totally crazy in this day and age when we have so many tools at our disposal – not staying connected or being too busy is a bit lame. We have FaceBook, email, snail mail, phones, blogs, websites….. And sure, I agree that some of these things are a bit superficial – but it is an easy way to keep in touch.
But connecting and interacting with F&F is not providing a laundry list of things you have done, seen, bought or sold. Being connected is a lot more than that – our lives are sometimes filled with “unimportant priorities” and things and it is these that we so often share with others.
We need to make sure our interactions have substance, have meaning, are important; we need to have face-to-face interactions; we need to see the person we are talking to, and we need to give them a physical pat on the back if need be. We need to build a safe and supportive environment where we can share our feelings, dreams, achievements and disappointments. We need to walk away from an interaction feeling that we have a deeper understanding of what is going on in someone’s life.
Robin says: “It was from this context that I shared with my siblings that I would like to consciously create some way for us to nurture and celebrate our relationships. And it was through this process with them that it become really clear that the success of most family relationships in the world are mainly left up to chance and luck. Successful businesses have huge human resource departments that work on developing the relationships within the business. Yet in our most valued and cherished organisation (that of our family) we kind of meander along unguided and often unskilled in effective communication and relationship-building.”
He sat down with his siblings and put this family mission statement together:
“Through friendship, support and sharing adventures and experiences we strengthen our connectedness. Through conversation, reflection and sharing we inspire each other to grow and learn. Through understanding, acceptance, commitment and love we create stability and belonging.”
In one sentence, this sums it up:
“Dynamic Loving Relationships through Connectedness, Growth and Belonging”
And then they went on to put in place the plans (just like a business strategy) on how they could bring the about.
Putting a mission statement together is not as easy as it looks… it requires getting everyone in the same room (or the same facebook page!) and really talking about what is important, what the common values are, what the family desires. This in itself is a really fabulous exercise and even if you don’t get the perfect statement down on paper you will have opened up a new level of communication. And I am quite sure Robin Booth won’t mind if you use his mission statement as a starting point!
Wednesday 29 July 2009
Friday 24 July 2009
The Birthday List
Today is my birthday and I pulled out my birthday list (filed away in my brain somewhere) as I do each year and did a little review.
I started this list donkeys years ago to amuse my daughter who always wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday. The list has remained almost the same year after year and in amongst the “big ticket” items I included things like false toe-nails, ruby glitter nail polish and matching lipstick, purple stripped stockings – thank goodness I didn’t get any of this stuff *grin*
But the things that remain on the list are: a miniature horse, an alpaca, a white duck with a yellow bill and I have now added half a dozen nguni cattle of different design, 3 months, during summer, in Florence and a handbag dog that I can dress up.
This is my dream birthday list. I would love to see what’s on your dream birthday list.
I started this list donkeys years ago to amuse my daughter who always wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday. The list has remained almost the same year after year and in amongst the “big ticket” items I included things like false toe-nails, ruby glitter nail polish and matching lipstick, purple stripped stockings – thank goodness I didn’t get any of this stuff *grin*
But the things that remain on the list are: a miniature horse, an alpaca, a white duck with a yellow bill and I have now added half a dozen nguni cattle of different design, 3 months, during summer, in Florence and a handbag dog that I can dress up.
This is my dream birthday list. I would love to see what’s on your dream birthday list.
Wednesday 22 July 2009
Re-enforcing life’s little lessons
Today I attended a course on Sculpting in Concrete at the Fine Arts Department of the University of Johannesburg.
The ages of the students varied from about 20ish to a really nice elderly gentleman (a full time sculptor) who told me he was 71 and always like learning new things.
We started the lesson with a video of past PPC cement exhibitions and competitions for concrete sculpture and I was, to put it bluntly, totally intimidated and thought it might be a good idea to leave after tea. The work, and bearing in mind each piece has to contain no less that 70% concrete, was mind blowing. Beautiful delicate more than life size figures to large installations; wall mountings with exquisite detail, fantastic hanging pieces and exquisite object that I would just love to have in my house or garden. The winner of each year’s competition takes home about R50000 so it is quite a serious prize.
We then got to grips with mix ratios and other concrete type terminology. And then were off to the large outside studio (bit freezing cold) where we were allowed to experiment for ourselves. We were given a large cube of “foam” concrete and an even larger rectangle of polystyrene to sculpt. After finishing each piece we covered them with a quick drying concrete mix which we were allowed to mix ourselves and added pigments if we felt like it.
My pieces were OK…...nothing special. Some of the others were quite stunning. I usually sculpt in clay and found it quite difficult to remove material rather than build up a piece from nothing – I found it quite difficult to “see” the finished product in a lump of concrete or polystyrene. Carving the polystyrene set my teeth on edge and my jaw was quite stiff after this….but OMG, you should have seen this place – it is no wonder we worked outside. It looked like a snow storm had hit us. Imagine 30 people working away on polystyrene, cutting and sawing it to pieces! The wind was blowing and we were all covered in little white balls that just stuck to our fleece tops, shoes, hair in fact everywhere. My hands and arms up to my elbows were white. And then we got stuck into the concrete blocks with rasps, knives and other implements and this produced a fine grey power, heaps and heaps of it all mixed up with the little white balls.
My first lesson of the day: This was just too messy for me – I can’t handle the debris, the dust and I know I will never do this in my studio – perhaps a friend’s *grin*
The second lesson and I knew this anyway, but we tend to forget these things sometimes and need to be reminded: You can’t just start hacking away at a nice cube of concrete or polystyrene. You have to have a plan in mind; you have to know what you want to do and you have to know what the end result will look like. This takes a bit of planning, mapping out where you want to start, what the next step will be and so on….. My friend Chris is a wood-turner and as he says, if you don’t know what you want to make once that lathe starts turning you are stuffed and so is the nice piece of wood. You will have a better chance at success if you have a plan. This applies to anything, to any project we tackle, a holiday, a new business, a change in business….need I go on?
The ages of the students varied from about 20ish to a really nice elderly gentleman (a full time sculptor) who told me he was 71 and always like learning new things.
We started the lesson with a video of past PPC cement exhibitions and competitions for concrete sculpture and I was, to put it bluntly, totally intimidated and thought it might be a good idea to leave after tea. The work, and bearing in mind each piece has to contain no less that 70% concrete, was mind blowing. Beautiful delicate more than life size figures to large installations; wall mountings with exquisite detail, fantastic hanging pieces and exquisite object that I would just love to have in my house or garden. The winner of each year’s competition takes home about R50000 so it is quite a serious prize.
We then got to grips with mix ratios and other concrete type terminology. And then were off to the large outside studio (bit freezing cold) where we were allowed to experiment for ourselves. We were given a large cube of “foam” concrete and an even larger rectangle of polystyrene to sculpt. After finishing each piece we covered them with a quick drying concrete mix which we were allowed to mix ourselves and added pigments if we felt like it.
My pieces were OK…...nothing special. Some of the others were quite stunning. I usually sculpt in clay and found it quite difficult to remove material rather than build up a piece from nothing – I found it quite difficult to “see” the finished product in a lump of concrete or polystyrene. Carving the polystyrene set my teeth on edge and my jaw was quite stiff after this….but OMG, you should have seen this place – it is no wonder we worked outside. It looked like a snow storm had hit us. Imagine 30 people working away on polystyrene, cutting and sawing it to pieces! The wind was blowing and we were all covered in little white balls that just stuck to our fleece tops, shoes, hair in fact everywhere. My hands and arms up to my elbows were white. And then we got stuck into the concrete blocks with rasps, knives and other implements and this produced a fine grey power, heaps and heaps of it all mixed up with the little white balls.
My first lesson of the day: This was just too messy for me – I can’t handle the debris, the dust and I know I will never do this in my studio – perhaps a friend’s *grin*
The second lesson and I knew this anyway, but we tend to forget these things sometimes and need to be reminded: You can’t just start hacking away at a nice cube of concrete or polystyrene. You have to have a plan in mind; you have to know what you want to do and you have to know what the end result will look like. This takes a bit of planning, mapping out where you want to start, what the next step will be and so on….. My friend Chris is a wood-turner and as he says, if you don’t know what you want to make once that lathe starts turning you are stuffed and so is the nice piece of wood. You will have a better chance at success if you have a plan. This applies to anything, to any project we tackle, a holiday, a new business, a change in business….need I go on?
Monday 20 July 2009
Welcome to my World
Thanks to Lisa for this contribution
Lisa's Blog http://adventurelisa.blogspot.com/
Welcome to my World
Posted: 19 Jul 2009 04:49 AM PDT
On Wednesday I attended an Urban Soul Poetry Session in Sandton. It's not poetry like that staid stuff read out calmly to people sitting on chairs in deathly silence. Nope, it is performance poetry - also known as Def Poetry or Slam Poetry or Spoken Word. I've been wanting to get involved in this for some time - I often watch spoken word artists on YouTube (I have doted on Rives for years!). It took me about 6-months to track down people involved in the Joburg scene and what a thoroughly enjoyable evening it was.
After the performances I was speaking to Lindile, one of the performers. Great on-stage charm and personality. He's a graphic designer and so we got chatting about the relationship between agencies and their clients. I told him about my Apples and Oranges theory and how people should have appreciation for the work that someone does for them and that because one party trades money for the skills and time of another, it doesn't make the one with the money the 'owner' or 'boss'. Money is just the commodity they trade for a service - of equal value -that they are unable to do themselves (through lack of skill, expertise or time). In my relationship with Pick 'n Pay I trade my money for the products they supply.
Sure, I realise that cold, hard cash is valued above all else; but in reality it is just one product that is traded for another. We all need money to trade others for their services - landlords for a place to stay, Eskom for electricity, grocery stores for food... Your employer trades this versatile product, money, for your time and skills.
One thing I have recently learned is how badly people at agencies are treated by the agency's clients, who wield power over the agency because the agency allows them to have this power - just as a child in a supermarket throwing a tantrum wields power over the parent who gives in to its demands.
Lindile understands this dynamic. He leans back as I talk and says, laughing, "What kind of World you living in?".
I am living in MY WORLD. It is a World where people are considerate of one another. It is a World where time, a valuable commodity, is respected. It is a World where money is but fair trade for a service. It is a World where people appreciate the skills shared by another in order to accomplish a task for their benefit.
And I have chosen to live in this World, which I have the ability to guide and mold through my actions and in the relationships that I build with my clients.
Am I delusional? Perhaps, but it is little concern to me because I'd rather be delusional with an over-inflated optimism in people than to be in that other World where people are devalued and the skills they have gained with time and hard-work are placed below paper product printed with colours and numbers.
Lisa's Blog http://adventurelisa.blogspot.com/
Welcome to my World
Posted: 19 Jul 2009 04:49 AM PDT
On Wednesday I attended an Urban Soul Poetry Session in Sandton. It's not poetry like that staid stuff read out calmly to people sitting on chairs in deathly silence. Nope, it is performance poetry - also known as Def Poetry or Slam Poetry or Spoken Word. I've been wanting to get involved in this for some time - I often watch spoken word artists on YouTube (I have doted on Rives for years!). It took me about 6-months to track down people involved in the Joburg scene and what a thoroughly enjoyable evening it was.
After the performances I was speaking to Lindile, one of the performers. Great on-stage charm and personality. He's a graphic designer and so we got chatting about the relationship between agencies and their clients. I told him about my Apples and Oranges theory and how people should have appreciation for the work that someone does for them and that because one party trades money for the skills and time of another, it doesn't make the one with the money the 'owner' or 'boss'. Money is just the commodity they trade for a service - of equal value -that they are unable to do themselves (through lack of skill, expertise or time). In my relationship with Pick 'n Pay I trade my money for the products they supply.
Sure, I realise that cold, hard cash is valued above all else; but in reality it is just one product that is traded for another. We all need money to trade others for their services - landlords for a place to stay, Eskom for electricity, grocery stores for food... Your employer trades this versatile product, money, for your time and skills.
One thing I have recently learned is how badly people at agencies are treated by the agency's clients, who wield power over the agency because the agency allows them to have this power - just as a child in a supermarket throwing a tantrum wields power over the parent who gives in to its demands.
Lindile understands this dynamic. He leans back as I talk and says, laughing, "What kind of World you living in?".
I am living in MY WORLD. It is a World where people are considerate of one another. It is a World where time, a valuable commodity, is respected. It is a World where money is but fair trade for a service. It is a World where people appreciate the skills shared by another in order to accomplish a task for their benefit.
And I have chosen to live in this World, which I have the ability to guide and mold through my actions and in the relationships that I build with my clients.
Am I delusional? Perhaps, but it is little concern to me because I'd rather be delusional with an over-inflated optimism in people than to be in that other World where people are devalued and the skills they have gained with time and hard-work are placed below paper product printed with colours and numbers.
Tuesday 14 July 2009
Is happiness a stroke of luck
From Elizabeth Gilbert’s book: Eat, Pray, Love
She* says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough.
But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment.
*Elizabeth Gilbert’s Guru
She* says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough.
But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment.
*Elizabeth Gilbert’s Guru
Saturday 11 July 2009
It can happen to the best of us…..
This is a true story I am going to tell you about 2 people who are very dear to my heart, 2 people I think are just the greatest and 2 people whose combined brain power I am totally in awe of, it is mind blowing, gob smacking kind of brain power.
But here’s the story: In between our lives revolving around Tour de France at the moment the other highlight of this weekend is Michael’s visit to Johannesburg; he is up here from Cape Town and the purpose of his visit is not just about seeing us, he also wanted to take part in a marathon this morning (Saturday) and he didn’t have to do too much to convince Lisa that she should do it with him.
They set off for Sasolburg before the crack of dawn to be there for the 6:30 start. I got a phone call from Lisa around about 6:50 asking me to please log onto a running website so that I could give her the address….. they couldn’t find the race. So I logged on and phoned Lisa back once I found the info and calmly asked her where she was….Needless to say, Lisa wasn't really in the mood for idle chit chat and said, just give us the address…. So I said, well the race is in Mpumalanga – in Secunda…. At the Sasol Recreation centre, in Secuda, Mpumalanga and I started to laugh….. Total and utter disbelief pulsed through the phone…. I passed over the phone number of the guy organizing the race and giggled a cheery goodbye.
About 10 minutes later Lisa phoned back and we started to laugh – we could hardly get the words out, she trying to tell me latest plans through peals of laughter from me, her laughter and Michael howling in the back ground…. We laughed wonderfully….. Eventually we managed to hold back the laughter so that she could tell me where they were (in Sasolburg) and what they were going to do, again guffaws and through this I heard with Michael gasping in the back ground that he wouldn’t take me to lunch if I didn’t stop laughing, which brought on more laughter, what fun, what a way to start the day…..
So now I am waiting for them to finish their run around the suburbs….
But here’s the story: In between our lives revolving around Tour de France at the moment the other highlight of this weekend is Michael’s visit to Johannesburg; he is up here from Cape Town and the purpose of his visit is not just about seeing us, he also wanted to take part in a marathon this morning (Saturday) and he didn’t have to do too much to convince Lisa that she should do it with him.
They set off for Sasolburg before the crack of dawn to be there for the 6:30 start. I got a phone call from Lisa around about 6:50 asking me to please log onto a running website so that I could give her the address….. they couldn’t find the race. So I logged on and phoned Lisa back once I found the info and calmly asked her where she was….Needless to say, Lisa wasn't really in the mood for idle chit chat and said, just give us the address…. So I said, well the race is in Mpumalanga – in Secunda…. At the Sasol Recreation centre, in Secuda, Mpumalanga and I started to laugh….. Total and utter disbelief pulsed through the phone…. I passed over the phone number of the guy organizing the race and giggled a cheery goodbye.
About 10 minutes later Lisa phoned back and we started to laugh – we could hardly get the words out, she trying to tell me latest plans through peals of laughter from me, her laughter and Michael howling in the back ground…. We laughed wonderfully….. Eventually we managed to hold back the laughter so that she could tell me where they were (in Sasolburg) and what they were going to do, again guffaws and through this I heard with Michael gasping in the back ground that he wouldn’t take me to lunch if I didn’t stop laughing, which brought on more laughter, what fun, what a way to start the day…..
So now I am waiting for them to finish their run around the suburbs….
Wednesday 8 July 2009
Ubuntu
I have just finished reading a fascinating and haunting book called Holding Up The Sky, written by Sandy Blackburn-Wright; about the nearly 20 years she spent in South Africa. She lived and worked in the townships pre and post 1994, was married to a black man, adopted a small black girl and had her own child. She is intelligent, honest and has written an amazing book about her young life in South Africa – she was only 23 when she arrived here in 1988.
But, this is not intended to be a book review. I was so intrigued by her description of the township and rural communities, the way of life and how the people help and support the township communities. This is how she describes it: “In the townships no one had an interest in what you did for a living, only in who you are in relationship to others. There is a word often used in South Africa that describes this: Ubuntu. It means that we are only human through other human beings and can only express our humanity through our relationships and dealings with others. In isolation we cannot be truly human.”
This got me thinking about where we are in our communities, our little space within family and friends, how we interact with others. What defines us, the person, who we are deep down, what makes us tick, what makes us happy?
And how do we define and validate our lives in the bigger picture that is our community and space on this earth?
I drew up this list of items that I believe don’t validate or define us (please add to it – I would love to get your input to add to this list):
An expensive car
Designer clothes and how much you spend on them
Where you live and the size of your house
Your career – past or present
The places you have traveled to
The people you know or allude to knowing
Your partner – especially when the relationship isn’t working and you just hang on anyway because of perceived status
How much money you have
What others may say about you
All the people you put on pedestals and seek approval from – or just seek approval for most things
And this is how I would define / validate an person with ubuntu: (please add to it - I would love to have your input to add to the list)
Your satisfaction and comfort with yourself and the people around you and your environment
How you rate yourself on honesty, loyalty, compassion
How successful your family and other relationships are
Do you contribute
If you are consistently loving, kind, generous, giving
If you willingly help people…. Just because you can
But, this is not intended to be a book review. I was so intrigued by her description of the township and rural communities, the way of life and how the people help and support the township communities. This is how she describes it: “In the townships no one had an interest in what you did for a living, only in who you are in relationship to others. There is a word often used in South Africa that describes this: Ubuntu. It means that we are only human through other human beings and can only express our humanity through our relationships and dealings with others. In isolation we cannot be truly human.”
This got me thinking about where we are in our communities, our little space within family and friends, how we interact with others. What defines us, the person, who we are deep down, what makes us tick, what makes us happy?
And how do we define and validate our lives in the bigger picture that is our community and space on this earth?
I drew up this list of items that I believe don’t validate or define us (please add to it – I would love to get your input to add to this list):
An expensive car
Designer clothes and how much you spend on them
Where you live and the size of your house
Your career – past or present
The places you have traveled to
The people you know or allude to knowing
Your partner – especially when the relationship isn’t working and you just hang on anyway because of perceived status
How much money you have
What others may say about you
All the people you put on pedestals and seek approval from – or just seek approval for most things
And this is how I would define / validate an person with ubuntu: (please add to it - I would love to have your input to add to the list)
Your satisfaction and comfort with yourself and the people around you and your environment
How you rate yourself on honesty, loyalty, compassion
How successful your family and other relationships are
Do you contribute
If you are consistently loving, kind, generous, giving
If you willingly help people…. Just because you can
Do you really need to answer some things?
I have been having on-going email discussions around the questions in the Happiness Quiz. These discussions are very insightful and I am learning more and more to add to my Happiness thoughts and expanding my understanding of Happiness. So thank you to everyone who is sending me their ideas and thoughts.
In one of the discussions I said that being happy, even trying to be happy, is hard work and you have to work at it each and every day. This led to a comment on the “entitlement” factor. This is when people expect to be happy just because they happen to take up some space on this great planet of ours.
“They” are the ones who say things and ask those impossible questions that make you want to run away like a crazy thing when they raise their issues:
If only he/she did xyz or, if it wasn’t for him/her I would be famous/rich/successful.
Why does this always happen to me?
Why aren’t I clever/rich/famous/beautiful?
Why do others always have all the luck/chances?
And so on……
Do you need to spend time answering these questions – or even think about the questions for that matter? Absolutely not….. Do you really think you can answer these questions? Absolutely not ….. Do you really think the answers will change anything? Absolutely not. It is a waste of your time and theirs… and you should tell them that. That person needs to work at their happiness, work at their life and start creating instead of blaming.
In one of the discussions I said that being happy, even trying to be happy, is hard work and you have to work at it each and every day. This led to a comment on the “entitlement” factor. This is when people expect to be happy just because they happen to take up some space on this great planet of ours.
“They” are the ones who say things and ask those impossible questions that make you want to run away like a crazy thing when they raise their issues:
If only he/she did xyz or, if it wasn’t for him/her I would be famous/rich/successful.
Why does this always happen to me?
Why aren’t I clever/rich/famous/beautiful?
Why do others always have all the luck/chances?
And so on……
Do you need to spend time answering these questions – or even think about the questions for that matter? Absolutely not….. Do you really think you can answer these questions? Absolutely not ….. Do you really think the answers will change anything? Absolutely not. It is a waste of your time and theirs… and you should tell them that. That person needs to work at their happiness, work at their life and start creating instead of blaming.
Sunday 5 July 2009
Apropos the Happiness Quiz
The other day my friend Barbara popped around after work for a cup of tea. She apologised for not sending her completed quiz back to me but had a couple of queries about it. And this is when my mouth goes dry because Barbara can ask some very probing questions. And I guess this is the right time to make a true confession: “drum roll and trumpets now please” – I don’t have Happiness packaged, in a box, neatly labeled and stored in my psyche - I am working on it though! But let me tell you about our discussion.
Barbs: Isn’t the word Happiness a bit misleading…. What does Happiness actually mean?
Me: Well we can look it up if you like….. but seriously, I think it means many things.
Barbs: Like what? (she was not going to let me off the hook lightly)
Me: Well, I don’t think it means one should run around laughing or smiling all the time – people will get the wrong idea and think you drunk or smoking something. I believe it is a state of wellbeing” or an attitude and many other things beside.
Barbs: My thoughts entirely – if you look at the Happiness Quiz questions they point to things like contentment, being positive, being interested in most things, having understanding, awareness, doing things for others…..
Me: Absolutely. I agree with all you are saying. But I also want to say that being happy is hellava hard work – much more so than being miserable and unhappy with things around you.
Barbs: I have never thought about that before –.
Me: Think about it…. if I want to do something I wont get anywhere if I don’t have positive feeling about it – if I am negative it just wont happen. If I moan about the amount of work etc then it won't happen; If I am not committed to it, it won’t happen; If I want friends to join me for
a party or an outing and don’t put in the effort or send out a good message, the party/outing wont happen….. If I moan about all the work that goes into something they won’t join me either because they won’t want to add to my “burdens”. If don’t create an environment that allows people to relax, be themselves, then I have not made a happy place to be in….. If I had a little shop and moan and bitch at the customers they wont come back and I wont have to work in my
shop anymore. Need I go on…..
Barbs: (laughing) I get the picture…..
Me: And if you are miserable then you don’t have to get involved in stuff… you don’t have to do anything or commit to anything but you can moan like crazy about it.....…. and you don’t have to join in things, probably because by now no one wants you on their side *grin*
Barbs: Hahahaha – yeah, God forbid you should have to do anything…..
Me: And let me tell you something else…. Every since I began to seriously study Happiness
(for 18 months now) I can feel a huge change in how I view the world. I feel incredibly good about things….”stuff”. I could go on about it for ages…. But I wont!
And now, just for Barbara, here is a word cloud with Happiness words.
In case you think I have been sitting here all day doing this, then think again – go to http://www.wordle.net/ and you too can make a own word cloud. Have fun.
Barbs: Isn’t the word Happiness a bit misleading…. What does Happiness actually mean?
Me: Well we can look it up if you like….. but seriously, I think it means many things.
Barbs: Like what? (she was not going to let me off the hook lightly)
Me: Well, I don’t think it means one should run around laughing or smiling all the time – people will get the wrong idea and think you drunk or smoking something. I believe it is a state of wellbeing” or an attitude and many other things beside.
Barbs: My thoughts entirely – if you look at the Happiness Quiz questions they point to things like contentment, being positive, being interested in most things, having understanding, awareness, doing things for others…..
Me: Absolutely. I agree with all you are saying. But I also want to say that being happy is hellava hard work – much more so than being miserable and unhappy with things around you.
Barbs: I have never thought about that before –.
Me: Think about it…. if I want to do something I wont get anywhere if I don’t have positive feeling about it – if I am negative it just wont happen. If I moan about the amount of work etc then it won't happen; If I am not committed to it, it won’t happen; If I want friends to join me for
a party or an outing and don’t put in the effort or send out a good message, the party/outing wont happen….. If I moan about all the work that goes into something they won’t join me either because they won’t want to add to my “burdens”. If don’t create an environment that allows people to relax, be themselves, then I have not made a happy place to be in….. If I had a little shop and moan and bitch at the customers they wont come back and I wont have to work in my
shop anymore. Need I go on…..
Barbs: (laughing) I get the picture…..
Me: And if you are miserable then you don’t have to get involved in stuff… you don’t have to do anything or commit to anything but you can moan like crazy about it.....…. and you don’t have to join in things, probably because by now no one wants you on their side *grin*
Barbs: Hahahaha – yeah, God forbid you should have to do anything…..
Me: And let me tell you something else…. Every since I began to seriously study Happiness
(for 18 months now) I can feel a huge change in how I view the world. I feel incredibly good about things….”stuff”. I could go on about it for ages…. But I wont!
And now, just for Barbara, here is a word cloud with Happiness words.
In case you think I have been sitting here all day doing this, then think again – go to http://www.wordle.net/ and you too can make a own word cloud. Have fun.
Allow yourself……
Last Thursday we went to the 2nd Pecha-Kucha in Johannesburg. The theme was “Creativity in Johannesburg – dead or alive” and by the time the presentations finished I don’t think there was anyone in that auditorium who could say was Creativity dead in this amazing city – it’s very much alive and kicking! The presentations were creative, formative and showed the funny, quirky side of Johannesburg that we sometimes take for granted or miss completely.
But now, here’s the thing. When we went into the auditorium, there was lively chatter, laughter and waving to friends and colleagues. Then everything became quiet and sort of serious. And once the speakers began their presentations you could have heard a pin drop… The first presenters showed us some amazing concrete projects in Johannesburg parks and street corners that are multi purpose for sitting on, leaning against, just looking at, chilling out –they are really interesting and the guys were also showing some really funny photo’s of these bits of sculpture and no-one laughed until they were well into their show….... then someone let out a deep chuckle and that set the ball rolling.
By the time the next guy came on we had all warmed up our chuckle and laughter boxes and we let out some belly laughs, sounds of appreciation, sounds of enjoyment, sounds that the talks were resonating with us. One of the guys rapped-talked through his presentation – it was pure poetry and when the cadence of his words spread to each of us you could see the heads moving gently and bodies begin to sway in the seats. It was magic and we all mumbled the chorus lines with him – wow, were we all connected at that moment.
And so now what, you might ask, is the point I want to make?
The point is that we all too often don’t allow ourselves to let go, lighten up and just get out a good old belly laugh, a chuckle, hell – even a quiet chuckle. We don’t show our enjoyment. Do we think that if we show our enjoyment of something we may be judged by someone who has a different opinion about what is going on? Well so what. Enjoyment is infectious and spreads - like Happiness. Do you really care what some old misery, or even worse, some supposed expert, thinks? Don’t hold back – show your enjoyment.
Allow yourself to enjoy the movie, the concert, the comedian, the painting, the music…… and remember we don’t all have to like the same thing. It doesn’t mean you or them are wrong.
But now, here’s the thing. When we went into the auditorium, there was lively chatter, laughter and waving to friends and colleagues. Then everything became quiet and sort of serious. And once the speakers began their presentations you could have heard a pin drop… The first presenters showed us some amazing concrete projects in Johannesburg parks and street corners that are multi purpose for sitting on, leaning against, just looking at, chilling out –they are really interesting and the guys were also showing some really funny photo’s of these bits of sculpture and no-one laughed until they were well into their show….... then someone let out a deep chuckle and that set the ball rolling.
By the time the next guy came on we had all warmed up our chuckle and laughter boxes and we let out some belly laughs, sounds of appreciation, sounds of enjoyment, sounds that the talks were resonating with us. One of the guys rapped-talked through his presentation – it was pure poetry and when the cadence of his words spread to each of us you could see the heads moving gently and bodies begin to sway in the seats. It was magic and we all mumbled the chorus lines with him – wow, were we all connected at that moment.
And so now what, you might ask, is the point I want to make?
The point is that we all too often don’t allow ourselves to let go, lighten up and just get out a good old belly laugh, a chuckle, hell – even a quiet chuckle. We don’t show our enjoyment. Do we think that if we show our enjoyment of something we may be judged by someone who has a different opinion about what is going on? Well so what. Enjoyment is infectious and spreads - like Happiness. Do you really care what some old misery, or even worse, some supposed expert, thinks? Don’t hold back – show your enjoyment.
Allow yourself to enjoy the movie, the concert, the comedian, the painting, the music…… and remember we don’t all have to like the same thing. It doesn’t mean you or them are wrong.
Thursday 2 July 2009
Befriend thy neighbour
From: Lisa's Blog - Wednesday, July 01, 2009 (http://adventurelisa.blogspot.com/)
Befriend thy neighbour
Last night my house people (they're in the house; I'm in the cottage) were hijacked and kidnapped in our driveway. I was in my cottage, with their dog, and neither of us heard a thing. I thought I'd seen Louise's headlights but then didn't hear her; and when there was a knock on my door a few minutes later I assumed it would be her or Stephan checking to see if the dog was with me. Instead it was a tall policeman who asked if I knew anything about 'the blonde lady who was dragged into the bakkie'.
This story fortunately ended happily. The hijacking happened just after 19h00. Louise and Stephan had come home separately; she drives into the garage first, he parks his Toyota Fortuna behind her Beetle. He drove in, switched off the ignition and was jumped by 3 armed men. One of them grabbed Louise and threw her into the vehicle and then they drove off.
A boy crossing the road on his way to visit his friend saw Louise being thrown into the car, the armed assailant's hand across her mouth as she disappeared feet last. He ran for his friend's house - 200m from us. The parents called the police who were here within minutes. And that's when I got the knock on my door.
Louise and Stephan were thrown into the back with sacks drawn over their heads and they were driven around for ages. They were dropped at a mine dump in the South of Joburg. They walked to the Cleveland Police Station and we were then contacted. They returned home near midnight shaken but unharmed.
Back home we learned some valuable lessons...
When the policeman arrived I immediately phoned a neighbour up the road. He is a good friend of Stephan and Louise. The police needed to know the car make and registration so they could put out an alert. Alternatively they needed an ID number so they could get the registration etc. None of us knew anything other than that it was a metallic gold/bronze Toyota Fortuna (took a while to get to this point!). The neighbour had a number for a relative - we were trying to get any kind of documentation on the vehicle. Neighbours came out to offer their support.
While these calls were being made we started phoning the tracking companies to see whether they had Louise or Stephan on their lists. They were all very helpful but no luck with the names we could think of.
To cut a long story short, a parental visit during the day led to us being able to get hold of house keys - we got in and started raiding files for paperwork on the vehicle. Louise is very organised and this worked in our favour. We found vehicle registration papers and tracking company contract. By now at least 90 minutes had passed.
The vehicle's last position was tracked to Kenilworth - the tracking company went out there and found nothing. Stephan said the guys had searched the vehicle and pulled out the device. The bad guys also took their credit cards and others and asked them for PIN numbers etc. The bank confirmed today that no cash had been withdrawn and the cards hadn't been used - lucky.
If something like this happens to you, you're screwed if your neighbours have no information on you. You could live on your own or your partner may be hijacked with you. They may know what car you drive (or maybe not) but they're unlikely to know the registration number. And unless they're a friend who knows your family (and has a number for a family member) and/or your other friends, there is no way they can get information on you without breaking into your house - that is assuming that you've got some kind of filing system for your important papers.
Last night we met a number of our neighbours and we all realise the value in building our relationships with each other. Family and close friends are often a drive away; neighbours live next to and around us and they are first on the scene to assist.
Take some cake to your neighbours and start building those relationships this weekend. Befriend those you like and can trust and provide them with a piece of paper giving your vehicle make, model, colour and tracking company emergency number; telephone numbers for 3 family members or friends (that don't live with you); your ID number; and the numbers for other neighbours on your street or in your complex - a local network. Give a nearby friend or relative or neighbour a set of your house keys. The police's hands are tied without being able to put an alert out for the vehicle.
The car is gone and fortunately Louise and Stephan are not.
My thanks to Inspector Tenant (Cleveland) and his team for getting here so quickly and being on hand; Murphy '007'; our network of neighbours - Brendan, Neville, Deville, Elizabeth, Roja, Charm and the others who offered their support; and Louise & Stephan's friends and family who came through to the house.
Posted by adventurelisa at 17:30 0 comments Links to this post
Befriend thy neighbour
Last night my house people (they're in the house; I'm in the cottage) were hijacked and kidnapped in our driveway. I was in my cottage, with their dog, and neither of us heard a thing. I thought I'd seen Louise's headlights but then didn't hear her; and when there was a knock on my door a few minutes later I assumed it would be her or Stephan checking to see if the dog was with me. Instead it was a tall policeman who asked if I knew anything about 'the blonde lady who was dragged into the bakkie'.
This story fortunately ended happily. The hijacking happened just after 19h00. Louise and Stephan had come home separately; she drives into the garage first, he parks his Toyota Fortuna behind her Beetle. He drove in, switched off the ignition and was jumped by 3 armed men. One of them grabbed Louise and threw her into the vehicle and then they drove off.
A boy crossing the road on his way to visit his friend saw Louise being thrown into the car, the armed assailant's hand across her mouth as she disappeared feet last. He ran for his friend's house - 200m from us. The parents called the police who were here within minutes. And that's when I got the knock on my door.
Louise and Stephan were thrown into the back with sacks drawn over their heads and they were driven around for ages. They were dropped at a mine dump in the South of Joburg. They walked to the Cleveland Police Station and we were then contacted. They returned home near midnight shaken but unharmed.
Back home we learned some valuable lessons...
When the policeman arrived I immediately phoned a neighbour up the road. He is a good friend of Stephan and Louise. The police needed to know the car make and registration so they could put out an alert. Alternatively they needed an ID number so they could get the registration etc. None of us knew anything other than that it was a metallic gold/bronze Toyota Fortuna (took a while to get to this point!). The neighbour had a number for a relative - we were trying to get any kind of documentation on the vehicle. Neighbours came out to offer their support.
While these calls were being made we started phoning the tracking companies to see whether they had Louise or Stephan on their lists. They were all very helpful but no luck with the names we could think of.
To cut a long story short, a parental visit during the day led to us being able to get hold of house keys - we got in and started raiding files for paperwork on the vehicle. Louise is very organised and this worked in our favour. We found vehicle registration papers and tracking company contract. By now at least 90 minutes had passed.
The vehicle's last position was tracked to Kenilworth - the tracking company went out there and found nothing. Stephan said the guys had searched the vehicle and pulled out the device. The bad guys also took their credit cards and others and asked them for PIN numbers etc. The bank confirmed today that no cash had been withdrawn and the cards hadn't been used - lucky.
If something like this happens to you, you're screwed if your neighbours have no information on you. You could live on your own or your partner may be hijacked with you. They may know what car you drive (or maybe not) but they're unlikely to know the registration number. And unless they're a friend who knows your family (and has a number for a family member) and/or your other friends, there is no way they can get information on you without breaking into your house - that is assuming that you've got some kind of filing system for your important papers.
Last night we met a number of our neighbours and we all realise the value in building our relationships with each other. Family and close friends are often a drive away; neighbours live next to and around us and they are first on the scene to assist.
Take some cake to your neighbours and start building those relationships this weekend. Befriend those you like and can trust and provide them with a piece of paper giving your vehicle make, model, colour and tracking company emergency number; telephone numbers for 3 family members or friends (that don't live with you); your ID number; and the numbers for other neighbours on your street or in your complex - a local network. Give a nearby friend or relative or neighbour a set of your house keys. The police's hands are tied without being able to put an alert out for the vehicle.
The car is gone and fortunately Louise and Stephan are not.
My thanks to Inspector Tenant (Cleveland) and his team for getting here so quickly and being on hand; Murphy '007'; our network of neighbours - Brendan, Neville, Deville, Elizabeth, Roja, Charm and the others who offered their support; and Louise & Stephan's friends and family who came through to the house.
Posted by adventurelisa at 17:30 0 comments Links to this post
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