May Musings

Mindfulness – it’s not all about you

I read such a good blog this morning. This guy, Dr Alex Lickerman, talks about mindfulness - being aware of our place in the world, being aware of what is going on around us and how important this is (mindfulness) so that we know the effect our actions have on others. He emphasises a point by using this analogy (and I paraphrase): When you get to a red traffic light – you are not stopping because it is red, you are stopping because it is someone else’s turn to go.

The Month of May

I have a love/hate relationship with the month of May…I hate the way my garden “goes thin”. I have gaps where plants have been pulled up to make space for winter seedlings and bulbs; the remaining plants seem to shrivel and their leaves look smaller and thinner. But I love the cooler weather and best of all are the evenings when the temperature suddenly drops and I have an hour of exploding wisteria seed pods. It sounds like stones hitting the windows. Total war zone out there. You can see the feeding birds ducking so they don’t get hit by flying pod and seeds. Next morning the lawn is covered with wisteria seed pod shrapnel.

May Book

I am reading “Wolf Hall” by Hilary Mantel. On the cover The Times says it is the most gripping book you’ll ever read….and I concur. I am on page 341 (650 in all) and I can hardly put it down. I heard that the sequel is either being written or soon to be on the shelves…..thank goodness! She writes beautifully and once you get the hang of the quirky style you will love it….. it is new and refreshing and the story unfolds like a kaleidoscope.

Making it Yourself

In Seth Godin’s blog this morning, titled “Made by Hand” he talks briefly about a newly published book called….wait for it…… Made by Hand: Searching for Meaning in a Throwaway World. (http://sethgodin.typepad.com)

Seth says: “The book is about the increasing insulation between modern life and the idea of actually making/growing/fixing things.” ...And… “Tweaking, making and building are human acts, ones that are very easy to forget about as we sign up to become cogs in the giant machinery of consumption and production.”

The Throwaway World:

We all know how easy it is to just replace something these days, how “things” are built not to last. I am sitting, frustratingly, with 2 examples at the moment….. a 5 year old washing machine that wont go past the 8 minute mark on the cycle and a 13 year old sewing machine that either works (badly) or doesn’t work at all….. and with both of these appliances people have muttered darkly that it might be cheaper and easier to just buy new ones. The funny thing is that my last washing machine lasted me 25 years and my sister-in-law has lent me her sewing machine, which works like a bomb - and she was given this machine for her 21^st birthday all of 38 years ago (sorry Bren!). By the way, I also have a tumbledryer that is about 3000 years old – and I know I will be quite sad when it finally gives up the ghost and so will many of my friends have a good snicker about this ancient bit of machinery.

Made by Hand:

These days when people ask me what I am doing now, I say I am a “Gaiter Maker”…. Because that is what I do ….(and Bren has been my life saver for lending me her sewing machine whilst mine was being diagnosed.) Months ago I wrote about the amazing feeling of satisfaction I got and still get, from making something myself and selling it. I am not sure how many gaiters we have sold to date - I am the factory bit; Lisa does the admin, marketing and selling – but our gaiters fly off the shelf. Each one is hand made by me and if things aren’t quite right it gets unpicked and re-sewn… or dare I say it, thrown away. We are very, very proud of our gaiters. Lisa does the odd spot check to make sure the gaiters are 100%...sometimes using different fabrics they may be a bit smaller or not stretch as much, so she tries one on to make sure it fits properly and suggests refinements and modifications if required. If you want to see what our gaiters look like, go to: http://www.ar.co.za/2010/01/ar-mini-gaiters/

But here’s the thing: I find myself getting a bit miffy when people say I should sub-contract out the work, that I am wasting my time doing this, that I should be using my brain more!!! I find it quite hard to explain the pleasure I get from this, I have learnt quite a lot about 4 way stretch fabric, how to cut out and sew these things in the most efficient production line way…. And whilst I still can’t explain how and why the gaiters work so well (but they just do) people love them more than any other type of gaiter… and Joy of Joys…. When I sit pinning or cutting stuff out I listen to book tapes/CD’s….isn’t that the best of both worlds?…. Busy hands and mind!

We can never go back to everything being hand made…. This would bring the world to a grinding halt wouldn’t it? But there is something very special, about a bit of hand made lace, a hand made bowl or even a hand machined part for your old sewing machine.

Kindness

My friend Jeanne emailed me one of those lists which promised to reveal the 10 top things only women understand…. And the funny thing is that you find yourself nodding sagely and agreeing with everything on the list, even though the items were a bit idiotic. So I had a little chuckle but then this quote at the end of the email caught my eye.

'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

One of my new years resolutions is (was) to be more mindful; and this involves practicing mindfulness in day to day ways and being more conscious of my soundings and what is happening around me. It is sometimes easier said than done. I find myself snapping at the ever increasing number of beggars, who seem to be younger and younger, at every street corner; I shake my head at more and more women sitting against traffic lights with small toddlers at their feet. I get irritated with the post office ladies and nearly blow a fuse when no-one can explain why the postage on the same size parcel is different every time I go to the post office…inexplicably sometimes more and sometimes less.

I forget all too often that just because I am in a hurry the rest of the world might not want to hurry up just because of me. I forget that the security guard who told me I couldn’t take my friends dog into the shopping was just doing his job and my smart-ass comment probably had him thinking I was a real jerk. I forget that the elderly couple in their little car nervously trying to get into the traffic on the motorway were probably terrified.

Being kind, especially practising random acts of kindness, has been proved by the people in the large universities who study these things, increases your general state of well being and, yes, happiness. Being kind implies a degree of mindfulness of the people around you. How aware you are to the nuances and feelings of others allows you to practise kindness which may just be a smile, a compliment or just holding back on a snappish remark. We never really know what goes on in others lives, especially strangers. We really don’t know what battles others face on a daily basis.

Freedom

"The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day." - David Foster Wallace, 2005

Lessons from a Ballet Teacher

I have a friend who is a ballet teacher. Frances is also, without a doubt, the most energetic person I know. She's on the go all the time and, in addition to teaching little girls (and boys every now and again) ballet, she works part-time as a real estate agent. She teaches from mid-day to about 7.30 at night, she arranges concerts including all the scenery, costumes, music, choreography etc, gets the kids ready for exams and often organises the venue and schedules for the regional exams…. No mean feat I can tell you. And then in the mornings and weekends, if she is not involved in ballet things, she sells houses which means driving people around, visiting new customers, sitting for show houses and here’s the remarkable thing….she still has an amazingly active social life (you have to book her weeks in advance) and... I don’t think I have ever heard her complain.

This last weekend I watched Frances in action at the “mock exams” she had put together for her students. And I realised that there are some really good lessons to be learnt from Frances.

Lesson 1- Brilliant Customer Service

Her customers are little kids ranging from 6 to 18 years of age. These kiddies need to be dealt with as if they are the most important person there. If the kiddies aren’t happy, Frances loses income. Her other primary customer is what is know in the trade as a “ballet mother”. Ditto…if the mother is not happy (and she is sometimes more unhappy than the student) the little girl will be whipped out of that studio so fast and….Frances loses income. Teachers….Frances has a fleet of teachers and she has to make sure they are happy…so this happiness trickles down to the students. She has to build and maintain good, happy relationships with schools and other studios because this is where she gets her students from. And, at the end of the day, she only gets her students as a result of her reputation… nothing else. If she didn’t have a brilliant and consistent reputation she would be out of business. Frances cannot afford to wake up grumpy and snap at the people (little children) around her, she has to be patient; she has to make all her customers feel special. She is always polite and gracious. She goes out of her way to pick up a child who can’t get to lessons; she goes out of her way to make a plan for people who can’t afford costumes. She goes out of her way to accommodate her customers.

Lesson 2 – How to Ask for Help

Frances knows she can’t do everything all by herself and therefore she knows how to ask for help. She has asked me a number of times to give her a hand….I have been the compere at a show, made little feathery swan costumes, scribed for ballet judges and a few other things – all great fun! I have also sat with her on a show house day (it’s not safe for one person) spending a hilarious day playing scrabble because no-one pitched to see the house….

The lesson: Frances knows how to ask. She phones and will say that she needs someone on x day, at such and such time, to do xyz and it will take 1, 2 or 3 hours. And unless it is a complete emergency she will give reasonable notice. She doesn’t whine about how busy she is, she doesn’t hint that she needs someone to help; and she never says she is too busy or overworked. She states clearly what she needs, thereby allowing you to decide if you either have the time or want to do it or negotiate another time with her. It is really painless for both parties.

She has perfected the “ask”…. It works to have all the info available (where, when, what, how) before you pick up the phone…. Don’t hint, and don’t be vague about what you want and make sure that if there is a change in plan you let the person know. ….. Frances makes it easy for you to help her…she gives you all the information you need to do the task and even goes as far as offering her elderly Dad to drive you wherever you need to be!