The other day at lunch we got talking about Face Book. Out of the 8 people there only two of us were on Face Book. The conversation turned to FB and I sat back and listened to the comments flying around the table, all bad. Even the only other person on FB began to waiver and started saying things like “well, it’s a waste of time”, “not sure what I am supposed to do”, and if you could hear what the rest were saying you would think joining FB was akin to joining a coven.
I was totally outvoted in my support of FB - albeit none of them had the first idea of how it worked – and as my lone voice was not going to be given a chance to be heard, I decided to blog about it instead.
I am fairly new to FB – about 3 or 4 months now. I don’t have all that many friends (yet). I have been quite slow about finding my way around but now, the first thing I do every morning is check FB. I love it…. There are some regulars like Avril who posts her photo’s and her amazing paintings. Trudy and Ingrid post messages that are so inspiring and make you feel good. Then there is the occasional message to say something like “At long last Tony is out of hospital” - yippee, Gwen is a goldsmith and puts photos of her work in her gallery, Nicholas has posted a whole lot of photos of himself in his 17th century armour (I was his squire at a sword fighting tournament). And then there are the youngsters (teenagers) who invited me to be their friend…. I love reading their comments – mostly in sort of SMS speak which takes a bit of deciphering…but lovely none the less.
And then all of a sudden you find someone from the past…… or someone finds you. What joy! Big Happiness when this happens…. Some people I haven’t heard of for so many years and it is wonderful to catch up with what is happening in their lives.
In fact, I love it when my regulars are there chirping away and a when there is a message from someone who only ‘FaceBooks’ occasionally…. I feel a certain contentment that all is well…….
You don’t have to post your deepest darkest secrets. You don’t have to post something every day. You can post something as simple as “great weather”. Only your FB friends can read your comments and you can send private message that no-one but the recipient can see.
In our busy lives (dare I say that!) it is a great way to keep in touch – on a fairly superficial level I agree, but you will be keeping in touch on a level that you probably didn’t do anyway. Sign up – it’s free.
Saturday 26 September 2009
Monday 21 September 2009
Monday Happiness Song
My friend Tina from Ilithuba (she runs the organization that made my Happiness Soup skirt – http://happinesssoup.blogspot.com/2009/06/corporate-gear.html) sent me this link to this happy little song.
Check it out; it is sure to brighten up your Monday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxfkg3RaRjs&feature=related
Check it out; it is sure to brighten up your Monday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxfkg3RaRjs&feature=related
Thursday 17 September 2009
The Supreme Happiness
How’s this quote for something that is so amazingly true? "The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." - Victor Hugo
One of the other things that popped up in my whip around with friends about relationship breakers was this: I often feel my partner doesn’t love me. (See previous blog about Menticide)
So what the heck do you do when your partner doesn’t love you anymore or love you as much as you love them anymore?
I guess one of the first reactions is to try harder and beat yourself up over all the things you think you have done wrong; do all the things (ie. change yourself) you think will make the person love you – again/more?
And whilst you are doing all these things you will probably become more and more miserable/broken and the person you love will probably just carry on the same old way and may even move out despite all your hard work.
Unrequited love hurts a lot. If you feel rejected it is because you have been rejected.
If the person you love doesn’t love you, there is not much you can do about it. So you make a plan; you need to move on…..
Get a new life with someone who will love you how you deserve to be loved.
One of the other things that popped up in my whip around with friends about relationship breakers was this: I often feel my partner doesn’t love me. (See previous blog about Menticide)
So what the heck do you do when your partner doesn’t love you anymore or love you as much as you love them anymore?
I guess one of the first reactions is to try harder and beat yourself up over all the things you think you have done wrong; do all the things (ie. change yourself) you think will make the person love you – again/more?
And whilst you are doing all these things you will probably become more and more miserable/broken and the person you love will probably just carry on the same old way and may even move out despite all your hard work.
Unrequited love hurts a lot. If you feel rejected it is because you have been rejected.
If the person you love doesn’t love you, there is not much you can do about it. So you make a plan; you need to move on…..
Get a new life with someone who will love you how you deserve to be loved.
Monday 14 September 2009
Relationship Breakers
Do you have one thing that was the relationship breaker?
I asked a few of my friends what their “breakers” were and I was surprised with how similar their answers were. And nor was it just one thing; but the defining relationship breaker which built up over a period of time was something called menticide. Yes, there is such a word and it means: The systematic undermining of a person's beliefs, attitudes, and values.
The entomology of the word menticide is from Latin ment- (mind) + -cide (killing)*. Mind-killing - scary isn’t it?
Co-incidentally, I did not confine my question to just romantic relationships… the question implied all relationships: romantic, business, family, friends.
*Source: Wordsmith.org
I asked a few of my friends what their “breakers” were and I was surprised with how similar their answers were. And nor was it just one thing; but the defining relationship breaker which built up over a period of time was something called menticide. Yes, there is such a word and it means: The systematic undermining of a person's beliefs, attitudes, and values.
The entomology of the word menticide is from Latin ment- (mind) + -cide (killing)*. Mind-killing - scary isn’t it?
Co-incidentally, I did not confine my question to just romantic relationships… the question implied all relationships: romantic, business, family, friends.
*Source: Wordsmith.org
Saturday 5 September 2009
Is it hard work?
In a couple blogs I have said that I believe you have to work quite hard at being happy; that happiness doesn’t just happen and you have to keep at aiming for happiness. I also believe that it is far easier and less work to be miserable than it is to be happy.
So when I received Seth Godin’s blog last night on Positive Thinking I couldn’t help but make the link to being happy or being miserable. Seth is an amazing guy – he has published heaps of books, he is a marketing guru, he blogs every day and just about every blog has an impact. And something else…if you email him he replies, in person.
I was particularly taken with his comment “Negative thinking protects us and lowers expectations”. The same thing applies to being miserable – you are protected, you dont have to commit to anything and there are much lower expectations of you.
This is Seth’s blog; (http://sethgodin.typepad.com/)
The problem with positive thinking
All the evidence I've seen shows that positive thinking and confidence improves performance. In anything.
Give someone an easy math problem, watch them get it right and then they'll do better on the ensuing standardized test than someone who just failed a difficult practice test.
No, positive thinking doesn't allow you to do anything, but it's been shown over and over again that it improves performance over negative thinking.
Key question then: why do smart people engage in negative thinking? Are they actually stupid?
The reason, I think, is that negative thinking feels good. In its own way, we believe that negative thinking works. Negative thinking feels realistic, or soothes our pain, or eases our embarrassment. Negative thinking protects us and lowers expectations.
In many ways, negative thinking is a lot more fun than positive thinking. So we do it.
If positive thinking was easy, we'd do it all the time. Compounding this difficulty is our belief that the easy thing (negative thinking) is actually appropriate, it actually works for us. The data is irrelevant. We're the exception, so we say.
Positive thinking is hard. Worth it, though.
So when I received Seth Godin’s blog last night on Positive Thinking I couldn’t help but make the link to being happy or being miserable. Seth is an amazing guy – he has published heaps of books, he is a marketing guru, he blogs every day and just about every blog has an impact. And something else…if you email him he replies, in person.
I was particularly taken with his comment “Negative thinking protects us and lowers expectations”. The same thing applies to being miserable – you are protected, you dont have to commit to anything and there are much lower expectations of you.
This is Seth’s blog; (http://sethgodin.typepad.com/)
The problem with positive thinking
All the evidence I've seen shows that positive thinking and confidence improves performance. In anything.
Give someone an easy math problem, watch them get it right and then they'll do better on the ensuing standardized test than someone who just failed a difficult practice test.
No, positive thinking doesn't allow you to do anything, but it's been shown over and over again that it improves performance over negative thinking.
Key question then: why do smart people engage in negative thinking? Are they actually stupid?
The reason, I think, is that negative thinking feels good. In its own way, we believe that negative thinking works. Negative thinking feels realistic, or soothes our pain, or eases our embarrassment. Negative thinking protects us and lowers expectations.
In many ways, negative thinking is a lot more fun than positive thinking. So we do it.
If positive thinking was easy, we'd do it all the time. Compounding this difficulty is our belief that the easy thing (negative thinking) is actually appropriate, it actually works for us. The data is irrelevant. We're the exception, so we say.
Positive thinking is hard. Worth it, though.
Wednesday 2 September 2009
Quality Time
I sometimes think I will never live down the blog on “being busy”. When I wrote about being busy way back in March (http://happinesssoup.blogspot.com/2009/03/on-being-busy.html) I didn’t think I would still be the recipient of so much leg pulling and comments like “whoops, better not say I’ve been busy” or “you just wouldn’t understand – I really have been busy” ……. Hmmm, but at least these comments are delivered with a large grin and I have always wanted long legs......
Anyway, I was thinking the other day about being busy and having to squeeze things (friends, family…) into ones schedule; and thought back to when (70’s, 80’s?) the expression “quality time” became a popular mantra; how we should make every precious minute we spent with children, spouse, parents, friends count.
I think this quote from Henry David Thoreau (the book, Walden) a nice reminder of what “quality time” should be:
“We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war.”
A little while ago I wrote about Building Connections, about family mission statements – go to the following link if you want to re-read it:
http://happinesssoup.blogspot.com/2009/07/building-connections.html
Anyway, I was thinking the other day about being busy and having to squeeze things (friends, family…) into ones schedule; and thought back to when (70’s, 80’s?) the expression “quality time” became a popular mantra; how we should make every precious minute we spent with children, spouse, parents, friends count.
I think this quote from Henry David Thoreau (the book, Walden) a nice reminder of what “quality time” should be:
“We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war.”
A little while ago I wrote about Building Connections, about family mission statements – go to the following link if you want to re-read it:
http://happinesssoup.blogspot.com/2009/07/building-connections.html
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