I have just finished reading a fascinating and haunting book called Holding Up The Sky, written by Sandy Blackburn-Wright; about the nearly 20 years she spent in South Africa. She lived and worked in the townships pre and post 1994, was married to a black man, adopted a small black girl and had her own child. She is intelligent, honest and has written an amazing book about her young life in South Africa – she was only 23 when she arrived here in 1988.
But, this is not intended to be a book review. I was so intrigued by her description of the township and rural communities, the way of life and how the people help and support the township communities. This is how she describes it: “In the townships no one had an interest in what you did for a living, only in who you are in relationship to others. There is a word often used in South Africa that describes this: Ubuntu. It means that we are only human through other human beings and can only express our humanity through our relationships and dealings with others. In isolation we cannot be truly human.”
This got me thinking about where we are in our communities, our little space within family and friends, how we interact with others. What defines us, the person, who we are deep down, what makes us tick, what makes us happy?
And how do we define and validate our lives in the bigger picture that is our community and space on this earth?
I drew up this list of items that I believe don’t validate or define us (please add to it – I would love to get your input to add to this list):
An expensive car
Designer clothes and how much you spend on them
Where you live and the size of your house
Your career – past or present
The places you have traveled to
The people you know or allude to knowing
Your partner – especially when the relationship isn’t working and you just hang on anyway because of perceived status
How much money you have
What others may say about you
All the people you put on pedestals and seek approval from – or just seek approval for most things
And this is how I would define / validate an person with ubuntu: (please add to it - I would love to have your input to add to the list)
Your satisfaction and comfort with yourself and the people around you and your environment
How you rate yourself on honesty, loyalty, compassion
How successful your family and other relationships are
Do you contribute
If you are consistently loving, kind, generous, giving
If you willingly help people…. Just because you can
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
Do you really need to answer some things?
I have been having on-going email discussions around the questions in the Happiness Quiz. These discussions are very insightful and I am learning more and more to add to my Happiness thoughts and expanding my understanding of Happiness. So thank you to everyone who is sending me their ideas and thoughts.
In one of the discussions I said that being happy, even trying to be happy, is hard work and you have to work at it each and every day. This led to a comment on the “entitlement” factor. This is when people expect to be happy just because they happen to take up some space on this great planet of ours.
“They” are the ones who say things and ask those impossible questions that make you want to run away like a crazy thing when they raise their issues:
If only he/she did xyz or, if it wasn’t for him/her I would be famous/rich/successful.
Why does this always happen to me?
Why aren’t I clever/rich/famous/beautiful?
Why do others always have all the luck/chances?
And so on……
Do you need to spend time answering these questions – or even think about the questions for that matter? Absolutely not….. Do you really think you can answer these questions? Absolutely not ….. Do you really think the answers will change anything? Absolutely not. It is a waste of your time and theirs… and you should tell them that. That person needs to work at their happiness, work at their life and start creating instead of blaming.
In one of the discussions I said that being happy, even trying to be happy, is hard work and you have to work at it each and every day. This led to a comment on the “entitlement” factor. This is when people expect to be happy just because they happen to take up some space on this great planet of ours.
“They” are the ones who say things and ask those impossible questions that make you want to run away like a crazy thing when they raise their issues:
If only he/she did xyz or, if it wasn’t for him/her I would be famous/rich/successful.
Why does this always happen to me?
Why aren’t I clever/rich/famous/beautiful?
Why do others always have all the luck/chances?
And so on……
Do you need to spend time answering these questions – or even think about the questions for that matter? Absolutely not….. Do you really think you can answer these questions? Absolutely not ….. Do you really think the answers will change anything? Absolutely not. It is a waste of your time and theirs… and you should tell them that. That person needs to work at their happiness, work at their life and start creating instead of blaming.
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Apropos the Happiness Quiz
The other day my friend Barbara popped around after work for a cup of tea. She apologised for not sending her completed quiz back to me but had a couple of queries about it. And this is when my mouth goes dry because Barbara can ask some very probing questions. And I guess this is the right time to make a true confession: “drum roll and trumpets now please” – I don’t have Happiness packaged, in a box, neatly labeled and stored in my psyche - I am working on it though! But let me tell you about our discussion.
Barbs: Isn’t the word Happiness a bit misleading…. What does Happiness actually mean?
Me: Well we can look it up if you like….. but seriously, I think it means many things.
Barbs: Like what? (she was not going to let me off the hook lightly)
Me: Well, I don’t think it means one should run around laughing or smiling all the time – people will get the wrong idea and think you drunk or smoking something. I believe it is a state of wellbeing” or an attitude and many other things beside.
Barbs: My thoughts entirely – if you look at the Happiness Quiz questions they point to things like contentment, being positive, being interested in most things, having understanding, awareness, doing things for others…..
Me: Absolutely. I agree with all you are saying. But I also want to say that being happy is hellava hard work – much more so than being miserable and unhappy with things around you.
Barbs: I have never thought about that before –.
Me: Think about it…. if I want to do something I wont get anywhere if I don’t have positive feeling about it – if I am negative it just wont happen. If I moan about the amount of work etc then it won't happen; If I am not committed to it, it won’t happen; If I want friends to join me for
a party or an outing and don’t put in the effort or send out a good message, the party/outing wont happen….. If I moan about all the work that goes into something they won’t join me either because they won’t want to add to my “burdens”. If don’t create an environment that allows people to relax, be themselves, then I have not made a happy place to be in….. If I had a little shop and moan and bitch at the customers they wont come back and I wont have to work in my
shop anymore. Need I go on…..
Barbs: (laughing) I get the picture…..
Me: And if you are miserable then you don’t have to get involved in stuff… you don’t have to do anything or commit to anything but you can moan like crazy about it.....…. and you don’t have to join in things, probably because by now no one wants you on their side *grin*
Barbs: Hahahaha – yeah, God forbid you should have to do anything…..
Me: And let me tell you something else…. Every since I began to seriously study Happiness
(for 18 months now) I can feel a huge change in how I view the world. I feel incredibly good about things….”stuff”. I could go on about it for ages…. But I wont!
And now, just for Barbara, here is a word cloud with Happiness words.
In case you think I have been sitting here all day doing this, then think again – go to http://www.wordle.net/ and you too can make a own word cloud. Have fun.
Barbs: Isn’t the word Happiness a bit misleading…. What does Happiness actually mean?
Me: Well we can look it up if you like….. but seriously, I think it means many things.
Barbs: Like what? (she was not going to let me off the hook lightly)
Me: Well, I don’t think it means one should run around laughing or smiling all the time – people will get the wrong idea and think you drunk or smoking something. I believe it is a state of wellbeing” or an attitude and many other things beside.
Barbs: My thoughts entirely – if you look at the Happiness Quiz questions they point to things like contentment, being positive, being interested in most things, having understanding, awareness, doing things for others…..
Me: Absolutely. I agree with all you are saying. But I also want to say that being happy is hellava hard work – much more so than being miserable and unhappy with things around you.
Barbs: I have never thought about that before –.
Me: Think about it…. if I want to do something I wont get anywhere if I don’t have positive feeling about it – if I am negative it just wont happen. If I moan about the amount of work etc then it won't happen; If I am not committed to it, it won’t happen; If I want friends to join me for
a party or an outing and don’t put in the effort or send out a good message, the party/outing wont happen….. If I moan about all the work that goes into something they won’t join me either because they won’t want to add to my “burdens”. If don’t create an environment that allows people to relax, be themselves, then I have not made a happy place to be in….. If I had a little shop and moan and bitch at the customers they wont come back and I wont have to work in my
shop anymore. Need I go on…..
Barbs: (laughing) I get the picture…..
Me: And if you are miserable then you don’t have to get involved in stuff… you don’t have to do anything or commit to anything but you can moan like crazy about it.....…. and you don’t have to join in things, probably because by now no one wants you on their side *grin*
Barbs: Hahahaha – yeah, God forbid you should have to do anything…..
Me: And let me tell you something else…. Every since I began to seriously study Happiness
(for 18 months now) I can feel a huge change in how I view the world. I feel incredibly good about things….”stuff”. I could go on about it for ages…. But I wont!
And now, just for Barbara, here is a word cloud with Happiness words.
In case you think I have been sitting here all day doing this, then think again – go to http://www.wordle.net/ and you too can make a own word cloud. Have fun.
Allow yourself……
Last Thursday we went to the 2nd Pecha-Kucha in Johannesburg. The theme was “Creativity in Johannesburg – dead or alive” and by the time the presentations finished I don’t think there was anyone in that auditorium who could say was Creativity dead in this amazing city – it’s very much alive and kicking! The presentations were creative, formative and showed the funny, quirky side of Johannesburg that we sometimes take for granted or miss completely.
But now, here’s the thing. When we went into the auditorium, there was lively chatter, laughter and waving to friends and colleagues. Then everything became quiet and sort of serious. And once the speakers began their presentations you could have heard a pin drop… The first presenters showed us some amazing concrete projects in Johannesburg parks and street corners that are multi purpose for sitting on, leaning against, just looking at, chilling out –they are really interesting and the guys were also showing some really funny photo’s of these bits of sculpture and no-one laughed until they were well into their show….... then someone let out a deep chuckle and that set the ball rolling.
By the time the next guy came on we had all warmed up our chuckle and laughter boxes and we let out some belly laughs, sounds of appreciation, sounds of enjoyment, sounds that the talks were resonating with us. One of the guys rapped-talked through his presentation – it was pure poetry and when the cadence of his words spread to each of us you could see the heads moving gently and bodies begin to sway in the seats. It was magic and we all mumbled the chorus lines with him – wow, were we all connected at that moment.
And so now what, you might ask, is the point I want to make?
The point is that we all too often don’t allow ourselves to let go, lighten up and just get out a good old belly laugh, a chuckle, hell – even a quiet chuckle. We don’t show our enjoyment. Do we think that if we show our enjoyment of something we may be judged by someone who has a different opinion about what is going on? Well so what. Enjoyment is infectious and spreads - like Happiness. Do you really care what some old misery, or even worse, some supposed expert, thinks? Don’t hold back – show your enjoyment.
Allow yourself to enjoy the movie, the concert, the comedian, the painting, the music…… and remember we don’t all have to like the same thing. It doesn’t mean you or them are wrong.
But now, here’s the thing. When we went into the auditorium, there was lively chatter, laughter and waving to friends and colleagues. Then everything became quiet and sort of serious. And once the speakers began their presentations you could have heard a pin drop… The first presenters showed us some amazing concrete projects in Johannesburg parks and street corners that are multi purpose for sitting on, leaning against, just looking at, chilling out –they are really interesting and the guys were also showing some really funny photo’s of these bits of sculpture and no-one laughed until they were well into their show….... then someone let out a deep chuckle and that set the ball rolling.
By the time the next guy came on we had all warmed up our chuckle and laughter boxes and we let out some belly laughs, sounds of appreciation, sounds of enjoyment, sounds that the talks were resonating with us. One of the guys rapped-talked through his presentation – it was pure poetry and when the cadence of his words spread to each of us you could see the heads moving gently and bodies begin to sway in the seats. It was magic and we all mumbled the chorus lines with him – wow, were we all connected at that moment.
And so now what, you might ask, is the point I want to make?
The point is that we all too often don’t allow ourselves to let go, lighten up and just get out a good old belly laugh, a chuckle, hell – even a quiet chuckle. We don’t show our enjoyment. Do we think that if we show our enjoyment of something we may be judged by someone who has a different opinion about what is going on? Well so what. Enjoyment is infectious and spreads - like Happiness. Do you really care what some old misery, or even worse, some supposed expert, thinks? Don’t hold back – show your enjoyment.
Allow yourself to enjoy the movie, the concert, the comedian, the painting, the music…… and remember we don’t all have to like the same thing. It doesn’t mean you or them are wrong.
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Befriend thy neighbour
From: Lisa's Blog - Wednesday, July 01, 2009 (http://adventurelisa.blogspot.com/)
Befriend thy neighbour
Last night my house people (they're in the house; I'm in the cottage) were hijacked and kidnapped in our driveway. I was in my cottage, with their dog, and neither of us heard a thing. I thought I'd seen Louise's headlights but then didn't hear her; and when there was a knock on my door a few minutes later I assumed it would be her or Stephan checking to see if the dog was with me. Instead it was a tall policeman who asked if I knew anything about 'the blonde lady who was dragged into the bakkie'.
This story fortunately ended happily. The hijacking happened just after 19h00. Louise and Stephan had come home separately; she drives into the garage first, he parks his Toyota Fortuna behind her Beetle. He drove in, switched off the ignition and was jumped by 3 armed men. One of them grabbed Louise and threw her into the vehicle and then they drove off.
A boy crossing the road on his way to visit his friend saw Louise being thrown into the car, the armed assailant's hand across her mouth as she disappeared feet last. He ran for his friend's house - 200m from us. The parents called the police who were here within minutes. And that's when I got the knock on my door.
Louise and Stephan were thrown into the back with sacks drawn over their heads and they were driven around for ages. They were dropped at a mine dump in the South of Joburg. They walked to the Cleveland Police Station and we were then contacted. They returned home near midnight shaken but unharmed.
Back home we learned some valuable lessons...
When the policeman arrived I immediately phoned a neighbour up the road. He is a good friend of Stephan and Louise. The police needed to know the car make and registration so they could put out an alert. Alternatively they needed an ID number so they could get the registration etc. None of us knew anything other than that it was a metallic gold/bronze Toyota Fortuna (took a while to get to this point!). The neighbour had a number for a relative - we were trying to get any kind of documentation on the vehicle. Neighbours came out to offer their support.
While these calls were being made we started phoning the tracking companies to see whether they had Louise or Stephan on their lists. They were all very helpful but no luck with the names we could think of.
To cut a long story short, a parental visit during the day led to us being able to get hold of house keys - we got in and started raiding files for paperwork on the vehicle. Louise is very organised and this worked in our favour. We found vehicle registration papers and tracking company contract. By now at least 90 minutes had passed.
The vehicle's last position was tracked to Kenilworth - the tracking company went out there and found nothing. Stephan said the guys had searched the vehicle and pulled out the device. The bad guys also took their credit cards and others and asked them for PIN numbers etc. The bank confirmed today that no cash had been withdrawn and the cards hadn't been used - lucky.
If something like this happens to you, you're screwed if your neighbours have no information on you. You could live on your own or your partner may be hijacked with you. They may know what car you drive (or maybe not) but they're unlikely to know the registration number. And unless they're a friend who knows your family (and has a number for a family member) and/or your other friends, there is no way they can get information on you without breaking into your house - that is assuming that you've got some kind of filing system for your important papers.
Last night we met a number of our neighbours and we all realise the value in building our relationships with each other. Family and close friends are often a drive away; neighbours live next to and around us and they are first on the scene to assist.
Take some cake to your neighbours and start building those relationships this weekend. Befriend those you like and can trust and provide them with a piece of paper giving your vehicle make, model, colour and tracking company emergency number; telephone numbers for 3 family members or friends (that don't live with you); your ID number; and the numbers for other neighbours on your street or in your complex - a local network. Give a nearby friend or relative or neighbour a set of your house keys. The police's hands are tied without being able to put an alert out for the vehicle.
The car is gone and fortunately Louise and Stephan are not.
My thanks to Inspector Tenant (Cleveland) and his team for getting here so quickly and being on hand; Murphy '007'; our network of neighbours - Brendan, Neville, Deville, Elizabeth, Roja, Charm and the others who offered their support; and Louise & Stephan's friends and family who came through to the house.
Posted by adventurelisa at 17:30 0 comments Links to this post
Befriend thy neighbour
Last night my house people (they're in the house; I'm in the cottage) were hijacked and kidnapped in our driveway. I was in my cottage, with their dog, and neither of us heard a thing. I thought I'd seen Louise's headlights but then didn't hear her; and when there was a knock on my door a few minutes later I assumed it would be her or Stephan checking to see if the dog was with me. Instead it was a tall policeman who asked if I knew anything about 'the blonde lady who was dragged into the bakkie'.
This story fortunately ended happily. The hijacking happened just after 19h00. Louise and Stephan had come home separately; she drives into the garage first, he parks his Toyota Fortuna behind her Beetle. He drove in, switched off the ignition and was jumped by 3 armed men. One of them grabbed Louise and threw her into the vehicle and then they drove off.
A boy crossing the road on his way to visit his friend saw Louise being thrown into the car, the armed assailant's hand across her mouth as she disappeared feet last. He ran for his friend's house - 200m from us. The parents called the police who were here within minutes. And that's when I got the knock on my door.
Louise and Stephan were thrown into the back with sacks drawn over their heads and they were driven around for ages. They were dropped at a mine dump in the South of Joburg. They walked to the Cleveland Police Station and we were then contacted. They returned home near midnight shaken but unharmed.
Back home we learned some valuable lessons...
When the policeman arrived I immediately phoned a neighbour up the road. He is a good friend of Stephan and Louise. The police needed to know the car make and registration so they could put out an alert. Alternatively they needed an ID number so they could get the registration etc. None of us knew anything other than that it was a metallic gold/bronze Toyota Fortuna (took a while to get to this point!). The neighbour had a number for a relative - we were trying to get any kind of documentation on the vehicle. Neighbours came out to offer their support.
While these calls were being made we started phoning the tracking companies to see whether they had Louise or Stephan on their lists. They were all very helpful but no luck with the names we could think of.
To cut a long story short, a parental visit during the day led to us being able to get hold of house keys - we got in and started raiding files for paperwork on the vehicle. Louise is very organised and this worked in our favour. We found vehicle registration papers and tracking company contract. By now at least 90 minutes had passed.
The vehicle's last position was tracked to Kenilworth - the tracking company went out there and found nothing. Stephan said the guys had searched the vehicle and pulled out the device. The bad guys also took their credit cards and others and asked them for PIN numbers etc. The bank confirmed today that no cash had been withdrawn and the cards hadn't been used - lucky.
If something like this happens to you, you're screwed if your neighbours have no information on you. You could live on your own or your partner may be hijacked with you. They may know what car you drive (or maybe not) but they're unlikely to know the registration number. And unless they're a friend who knows your family (and has a number for a family member) and/or your other friends, there is no way they can get information on you without breaking into your house - that is assuming that you've got some kind of filing system for your important papers.
Last night we met a number of our neighbours and we all realise the value in building our relationships with each other. Family and close friends are often a drive away; neighbours live next to and around us and they are first on the scene to assist.
Take some cake to your neighbours and start building those relationships this weekend. Befriend those you like and can trust and provide them with a piece of paper giving your vehicle make, model, colour and tracking company emergency number; telephone numbers for 3 family members or friends (that don't live with you); your ID number; and the numbers for other neighbours on your street or in your complex - a local network. Give a nearby friend or relative or neighbour a set of your house keys. The police's hands are tied without being able to put an alert out for the vehicle.
The car is gone and fortunately Louise and Stephan are not.
My thanks to Inspector Tenant (Cleveland) and his team for getting here so quickly and being on hand; Murphy '007'; our network of neighbours - Brendan, Neville, Deville, Elizabeth, Roja, Charm and the others who offered their support; and Louise & Stephan's friends and family who came through to the house.
Posted by adventurelisa at 17:30 0 comments Links to this post
Monday, 29 June 2009
Great Quote
I stole, yes, stole, this quote from my cousin Jeannie Shepherd's facebook page....... I think it will make another great fridge magnet. If you want one, send me an email and your postal address.
Happiness is a decision you make,
not an emotion you feel.
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
How happy are you?
If you Google “Happiness Quiz” you will get 2,250,000 results. That is quite a lot of information to find out how happy you are *grin*. But before I continue, I would like to thank the people who have sent me links to quizzes, questionnaires and so on…. I really appreciate all this input – you can never have too much information on Happiness.
When I decided to do my own quiz, I didn’t quite know where to start. Happiness is a serious field of study so I went to the websites of Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Stanford Universities and had a look at their Happiness questionnaires (Yes, they really do study Happiness!). There were hundreds of questions so I consolidated them, divided them into categories and came up with the following list.
I would really love to have your answers – so please email me if you want to. NB: This is a Yes/No quiz and there are no correct answers. Also, if you answer Yes to 50% of the questions it doesn’t mean you are 50% happy!
The general idea of this quiz is to give our awareness a nudge.
HAPPINESS QUIZ
Relationships:
I am satisfied with my relationship with my significant other.
I am satisfied with my relationship with my family, friends, and children.
I have a few close friends who I can rely on for emotional support.
I feel that I have enough love in my life.
I feel that I am loved by my significant other and/or children.
I feel that I am loved by my family and friends.
I know and like my neighbours.
I am a member of a group (church, club etc).
Career and Activities:
I am satisfied with the career I am currently in.
I have hobbies or activities that I do for fun on a regular basis.
I express my "creative self" regularly.
I often learn new things, take courses, and increase my knowledge base.
Goals:
I have set personal goals for myself
I do not have goals that have been on my list for a few years.
I believe I have meaning and purpose in my life.
My Life:
If I could go back in time, I would not change too many things in my past.
My idea of the "perfect life" is close to my present circumstances.
I consider myself more fortunate than most people.
I believe that I am always committed and involved
I feel that I am in control of my life.
I feel that my life is really good.
I feel that I have time to take on anything that comes my way.
I am alert and aware of things going on around me.
I am pleased with the way I am.
I believe I look attractive.
I make decisions easily
Other people:
I am interested in other people
I have fun with other people
I usually feel very warm towards most people
I believe that I am a good influence on people around me
I regularly help other people (outside of your immediate circle).
Health and well being:
I wake up feeling good and rested
I have a lot of energy
I feel healthy
I find a lot of things amusing
I laugh a lot
I have happy memories of the past
I often feel joy and elation.
I find beauty in most things.
The world:
I think the world is a nice place
I feel optimistic about the future
General:
I have left a large tip for a small bill.
I have given something of mine away to a person who admired it.
I sometimes perform anonymous random acts of kindness.
I have given someone money rather than make it a loan.
When I decided to do my own quiz, I didn’t quite know where to start. Happiness is a serious field of study so I went to the websites of Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Stanford Universities and had a look at their Happiness questionnaires (Yes, they really do study Happiness!). There were hundreds of questions so I consolidated them, divided them into categories and came up with the following list.
I would really love to have your answers – so please email me if you want to. NB: This is a Yes/No quiz and there are no correct answers. Also, if you answer Yes to 50% of the questions it doesn’t mean you are 50% happy!
The general idea of this quiz is to give our awareness a nudge.
HAPPINESS QUIZ
Relationships:
I am satisfied with my relationship with my significant other.
I am satisfied with my relationship with my family, friends, and children.
I have a few close friends who I can rely on for emotional support.
I feel that I have enough love in my life.
I feel that I am loved by my significant other and/or children.
I feel that I am loved by my family and friends.
I know and like my neighbours.
I am a member of a group (church, club etc).
Career and Activities:
I am satisfied with the career I am currently in.
I have hobbies or activities that I do for fun on a regular basis.
I express my "creative self" regularly.
I often learn new things, take courses, and increase my knowledge base.
Goals:
I have set personal goals for myself
I do not have goals that have been on my list for a few years.
I believe I have meaning and purpose in my life.
My Life:
If I could go back in time, I would not change too many things in my past.
My idea of the "perfect life" is close to my present circumstances.
I consider myself more fortunate than most people.
I believe that I am always committed and involved
I feel that I am in control of my life.
I feel that my life is really good.
I feel that I have time to take on anything that comes my way.
I am alert and aware of things going on around me.
I am pleased with the way I am.
I believe I look attractive.
I make decisions easily
Other people:
I am interested in other people
I have fun with other people
I usually feel very warm towards most people
I believe that I am a good influence on people around me
I regularly help other people (outside of your immediate circle).
Health and well being:
I wake up feeling good and rested
I have a lot of energy
I feel healthy
I find a lot of things amusing
I laugh a lot
I have happy memories of the past
I often feel joy and elation.
I find beauty in most things.
The world:
I think the world is a nice place
I feel optimistic about the future
General:
I have left a large tip for a small bill.
I have given something of mine away to a person who admired it.
I sometimes perform anonymous random acts of kindness.
I have given someone money rather than make it a loan.
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