The Great Disconnect

I have had a couple of items on my list of blogs to write and after listening to a radio programme this morning on communication I had to get stuck into this one.

Well, this is one of my favourite soap box subjects and it is about having great conversations. It is about being with people you love talking to; it is about hearing new idea and opinions; it is about having people listen to your ideas and opinions; it is about being focused on what people are saying and giving them the floor; it is about the person/people you are talking to being focused on you and listening to what you have to say….giving you the floor, it is about laughing and teasing and having lovely face-to-face time with people.

I want to always have conversations like this. When I ask a person to tell me more about their day I want a bit of depth, juice, detail… not an answer like “well you know what its like”. No, I don’t.

I am not talking about having world changing conversations every second of the day, I am talking about having meaningful, non-frustrating conversations. I want to know what the other person feels about stuff, things, books, movies, politics. I am really interested in what they have to say. One of my firm favourites is when you begin telling someone (partner/friend/colleague) about something that is bothering you – and before you even get to the end of your story the “listener” is rattling off solutions, suggestions, advice and so on… maybe you just wanted to be listened to? What is this overwhelming need we all have to solve the other person’s problems? And one of my firm favourites is when you are talking to someone and they are madly looking past your left ear, making contact with someone else.

But what happens when you don’t have meaningful conversations with your nearest and dearest? This is when the “great disconnect” comes in. And I have to tell you this story about me and a man-friend (ex now) – this is true.

About 18 months or so ago my man-friend and I went off to a nice North Coast resort for a mid week break. One of my girl-friends was staying in a holiday cottage up the coast from the resort with 3 of her gay guy friends. At the start of the trip to the coast my man-friend indicated that I shouldn’t chatter all the way there and needless to say we didn’t chatter all that much once we arrived. My girlfriend from up the coast invited us to tea… so off we went and my man-friend sat on the periphery of the group whilst me, my friend and the 3 gay guys chatted away, laughed like crazy and generally had a really fun time. My man-friend did not contribute an awful lot despite our endeavours to draw him into the conversation. Needless to say, I didn’t need a science degree to realise, on my return to Johannesburg, that this relationship had obviously run its course and shortly thereafter we parted company. But the funny thing was, that months later my girl-friend told me that that after she had seen us off, the guys were nattering away as to who the heck my man-friend was…. The conclusion: one said he was sure my man-friend was my older brother and the other 2 thought he was my driver. Total disconnect :-)