From the number of magazine articles and talk shows highlighting all the do’s and don’ts on how to survive the festive season, how to deal with in-laws, kids, animals, aged aunts, et al, I am amazed that people even put themselves through “all this” once a year…..
But it did get me thinking and I have cast my mind back to the annual festivities when I was a child/young person. I have a large extended family and we would go to my Aunt Dorry’s farm that was situated almost half between Kwe Kwe and Gweru in Zimbabwe. Because it was about a 4 hour drive from Harare and about the same from Bulawayo, we used to set off days in advance of Christmas day and only leave days after…it was after all, a long way to travel. And here’s the thing: We all descended on Amatava and out amazing Aunt Dorry – and I seem to remember there were lots of us - and somehow it all worked. Dormitories were set up comprising mattresses, stretchers and anything else one could sleep on, little kids topped and toed and the best thing was you got to sleep near your favourite person. 3 meals a day were miraculously produced, there were drinks on the lawn before lunch and evenings spent (for me) listening to the family stories, playing carpet bowls and watching the adults. There was always a lot of kissing and hugging and patting on the back……and there was a lot of laughter and silly tricks. And there were a few arguments, fights call them what you will….usually about a difference of opinion over politics or religion or whatever and then a big kissing and hugging and making up again – either before bed or first thing the next morning. My mother always said (of this, my father’s family that I am talking about) she found it amazing how the next day, if there had been a disagreement, it was like nothing at all had happened.
I am not sure how rose tinted my specs are/were but I cant recall people not speaking to each, family feuds or long term grudges being played out. I also remember that us kids were all treated the same way…we never felt that one was ‘the favourite” or getting more pressies or loves. We, or at least I, always felt quite special.
So what have I taken away with me, what do I remember about how the family (and others) all came together and had a great deal of fun…and let me tell that this was the place everyone wanted to be at Christmas time….. even the various ex-spouses and their new families.
I guess some of the lessons learnt (and only understood as an older adult) are:
You don’t always have to win the argument/discussion/fight or have the last word.
It’s a time for telling stories about your successes, failures and anything else that might have happened during the year….so let whoever is telling ramble on and enjoy.
And last but not least…. I like these 2 little stories and I remind myself of them (frequently!):
The first is the good old biblical one of “do unto others….” Which is very powerful and self explanatory.
And the second is about the 2 Buddhist monks walking down the road….one young and handsome and one old and bitter. They get to a river which has burst its banks and there is a beautiful young woman trying to get across. The young monk picks her up and carries her to the other side. The old monk crosses as well and the 2 monks carry on their journey. Eventually the old monk berates the young one, asking him how he could have carried the young woman across; he should not have touched her etc etc. The young monk looks at him and says “Hey Dude, I left her on the bank of the river but you are still carrying her…” Cool lesson don’t you think?
I am now going to steal and share my friend Hazel’s Christmas message which I think says it a lot better than I can:
I hope that your Christmas will be filled with an abundance of love, sharing and giving. As Christmas is also the link between old years and a new one about to dawn, my wish for you is that you are able to look back in happiness and forward in hope, knowing that there will be many new wonderful and happy times awaiting you in 2011. Thank you Hazel
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