Dr Schomer listed these qualities that make a soul-mate, an amazing friend and a really good partner for that matter:
The ability to keep confidences, loyalty, warmth and affection,
supportiveness, frankness, humour, willingness to set time aside for you. Soul-mates have a high degree of compatibility in all these things.
You look out for each other, you are happy to see each other, you feel special in the other persons company. You happily and willingly invest time and make room in your lives for each other.
Self disclosure is essential to a close relationship – you share your wishes and fears. You receive affirmation and acceptance. You trust each other.
Soul-mates have greater tolerance and accept us for who we are.
We become best friends with people who boost our identity.Dr Schomer goes on to talk about nourishing the relationship – and that basically boils down to good old face-to-face contact time; in fact he says it is essential. Electronic messages just don’t cut it. You need to spend time together - you need to make the investment and make the time to nourish the relationship and be friends.
He made this comment about loving friends: We love our friends because of the way in which they support who we are.... when people affirm who we are a friendship becomes a strong possibility. He also says that when you have too many opinions about a friend the friendship won’t last.
Interestingly, a soul-mate may not be a soul-mate for ever. We move on and out-grow stages of our lives. University friends for example marry, have children and then the single friend is replaced by these other priorities. Another point he raised was that Social research has typically found that the marriage partner is often not the soul-mate.
Dr Schomer says that men generally bond with each other through some sort of activity eg. sport, fishing. And women bond on another level altogether. They share information and emotions. Gosh, and we wonder why there is sometimes this great divide *grin*
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