A Little Bit of Power

A friend told me the other day about his new boss. The boss is stamping his authority by generally be pretty critical and wanting to change just about everything they do in the office; but the thing that rattles my friend is the painstaking corrections his boss makes to every report he writes. For example, if the sentence is: “the cat ran up the tree”, this is changed to “up the tree the cat ran”. Go figure! But the worst thing about this is that the boss is downright nasty about the feedback; he emails my friend stating that the grammar, writing and so on is wrong/awful and copies the email to everyone in the company and their uncles. His one saving grace is that he hasn't used the 'bcc' yet!

One of the blogs I subscribe to is by Bob Sutton. Bob is a no nonsense guy – I enjoy his writing immensely and the “boss power issue” in the work place is something he alludes to – did I say allude!!! – often. Alludes is definitely the wrong word - he actually has a section on his blog which covers such items as "Tips for Surviving an Asshole Infested Workplace" and a checklist to find out if your Future Boss is an Asshole. And in case you think Bob is a bit of a twit who uses faintly foul language – this is an excerpt from his bio:

Robert Sutton is Professor of Management Science and Engineering in the Stanford Engineering School, where he is Co-Director of the Center for Work, Technology, an active member of the Stanford Technology Ventures Program, and a cofounder of the new Hasso Plattner Institute of Design. (my comment - One of his books is called: The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t.)

He has published his Work Manifesto on his blog, copied below, and it is really worth reading. (My personal favorites: points 7, 8, 9 and 10) And now how is this for a challenge: can you add to this manifesto or make up your own list? Let's build our own manifest. Email your comments to me.

Bob Sutton’s Work Manifesto - 15 Things I Believe

1. Sometimes the best management is no management at all -- first do no harm!
2. Indifference is as important as passion.
3. In organizational life, you can have influence over others or you can have freedom from others, but you can't have both at the same time.
4. Saying smart things and giving smart answers are important. Learning to listen to others and to ask smart questions is more important.
5. Learn how to fight as if you are right and listen as if you are wrong: It helps you develop strong opinions that are weakly held.
6. You get what you expect from people. This is especially true when it comes to selfish behaviour; unvarnished self-interest is a learned social norm, not an unwavering feature of human behaviour.
7. Getting a little power can turn you into an insensitive self-centred jerk.
8. Avoid pompous jerks whenever possible. They not only can make you feel bad about yourself, chances are that you will eventually start acting like them.
9. The best test of a person's character is how he or she treats those with less power.
10. The best single question for testing an organization’s character is: What happens when people make mistakes?
11. The best people and organizations have the attitude of wisdom: The courage to act on what they know right now and the humility to change course when they find better evidence.
12. The quest for management magic and breakthrough ideas is overrated; being a master of the obvious is underrated.
13. Err on the side of optimism and positive energy in all things.
14. It is good to ask yourself, do I have enough? Do you really need more money, power, prestige, or stuff?
15. Jim Maloney is right: Work is an overrated activity

His blog is: http://bobsutton.typepad.com/

Comments from Duncan on being In the Moment

I like it!! Much in common with Eckard Tolle (“The Power of Now”), who writes total sense. While this deals with the day-to-day world around us, an how to remain focused in that world, Tolle deals with the spiritual world, and how we need to be aware of our spirituality as opposed to our ego; I call it the spiritual being, balanced against the egoistic person. This awareness can be brought about by noticing and accepting when we are acting from the ego, either through greed or fear, and consciously moving away from that position into a position of spiritual awareness. With constant practice, one becomes permanently in ‘the present’, only entering the egoistic state when necessary.

Duncan Clements

Being In the Moment

Everyone knows the expression “stop and smell the roses”. But what does this actually mean?

Being in the moment is an awareness of what is happening around you at that particular time – the present. Awareness is enjoying the beautiful scenery, being conscious of the people around you and listening to every word that is said to you.

I recently came across this questionnaire about being mindful and awareness - it has been a constant niggle at the back of my mind for a week or so. Why? Probably because I would answer “yes” to most of the questions – and the answer to all the questions should be “no”.

Have a look at the questions (from a paper by K Warren & R Ryan)

1. I could be experiencing some emotion and not be conscious of it until some time later.
2. I break or spill things because of carelessness, not paying attention, or thinking of something else.
3. I find it difficult to stay focused on what’s happening in the present.
4. I tend to walk quickly to get where I’m going without paying attention to what I experience along the way.
5. I tend not to notice feelings of physical tension or discomfort until they really grab my attention.
6. I forget a person’s name almost as soon as I’ve been told it for the first time.
7. It seems I am “running on automatic” without much awareness of what I’m doing.
8. I rush through activities without being really attentive to them.
9. I get so focused on the goal I want to achieve that I lose touch with what I am doing right now to get there.
10. I do jobs or tasks automatically, without being aware of what I’m doing.
11. I find myself listening to someone with one ear, doing something else at the same time.
12. I drive places on “automatic pilot” and then wonder why I went there.
13. I find myself preoccupied with the future or the past.
14. I find myself doing things without paying attention.
15. I snack without being aware that I’m eating.

The question about being preoccupied with the past or future is particularly pertinent to Happiness. How often do we angst over events from the past – which are long gone and how often do we stress over what may happen in the future – events we may not be able to influence?

Being in the moment (aware, mindful) puts another dimension to our lives – one that allows us to enjoy and connect with whoever we are with, making that interaction more meaningful and allows both people to walk away with dignity and acceptance. And one that allows us to enjoy whatever we are doing so much more.

A Very Sweet Moment

A little while ago I was scrabbling around looking for a half decent photo of me to put on my blog – I have had a beautiful profile of my cat on the blogs but thought that perhaps people might like to actually see me. But, a decent photo is exceptionally hard to find – I have a new driver’s licence photo and fairly new passport photo and the least said about these the better……. And I have a photo taken on Christmas day with neon green Dracula teeth in my mouth – not a bad photo but not quite what I wanted.

So in my scrabblings I found a framed ink drawing done of me by an artist called Roderick Freemantle. This is the sweet moment in my life that I want to talk about.

In 1999 my cousin Avril was doing a philosophy course at a private school and I went with her to the annual fete. Roderick Freemantle had donated his time and considerable talent and was doing ink drawing caricatures with donations going to the school.

We queued up and when it was my turn, I spent the most memorable and sweetest 10 or 15 minutes chatting to Roderick. For whatever reason we spoke about our names and I told Roderick how I had never been comfortable with my name and as a child I secretly called myself Susan Patricia and wished every night that I could be this Susan Patricia person. Roderick said as a child he always like cowboys and had a bit of yen to be one…. also was not too sure about his name but didn’t quite know what he would call himself – I suggested Luke as it seemed to fit him well. He liked that name very much. I am not sure what else we spoke about but I left with a warm heart and huge liking for this man…. In fact I told Avril that I had fallen profoundly in love, albeit for a scant 10 minutes, and I never saw him again

When I found the drawing again I had a flood of wonderful memories and feelings of that meeting and thought I would write about it. And I also thought I should Google Roderick, see if he was still around, and find out from him if he minded me publishing this. He has a great website http://roderickfreemantle.com/ and you can have a look at his wonderful paintings and drawings. He also has a series on cowboys!

So, before I posted this on my new Happiness blog, I sent this off to him to see if it’s ok. I am sure he remembers that day and I was holding thumbs he remembered me!

A toast to very sweet moments – never forget them.

Roderick’s very special reply follows.

Dear Susan Patricia, alias "Liz",

You needn't have asked for permission, but I thank you for doing so. I do remember the day and, seeing the drawing again, I remember the conversation. Meetings like this are rare and sweet, complete in themselves, "self-effulgent" (a word that springs to mind, but I'd better look it up first to make sure that its right). "Self-effulgent" is right; the moment radiated with its own light. But there's something else that is now very clear, having just read your e-mail; something perhaps even more significant than the moment itself: the spoken acknowledgement. It seems to me that this is really why we have been given the gift of speech: to speak, in our own voice, of the truth as we experienced it. Somehow, in the attempt to speak about the unspeakable, the unknowable becomes known - not as knowledge to be stored away for future use, but as a present force of undeniable affirmation, a force that totally extinguishes doubt. And this elimination of doubt, combined with the memory of the moment of sweetness that gave birth to it, acts as an indelible remembrance of who we really are and why we are here.

So the praise goes beyond the individuals involved, blessed as they certainly were by being party to it. Praise, it seems, is essentially spiritual, and the spirit, by nature, always rises.

Thank you for the acknowledgement. While I wallow in the reflected light of your kind words, I have to remind myself that the trail stretches out beyond the shimmering horizon; that there's no stopping in this one-horse town; that, as much as I would love to linger while the tough girl with the heart of gold applies ointments to my battle scars, I must saddle up and say "adios" one more time.

Blessings and thanks,

Luke, alias "Roderick Freemantle"

Happiness and Stability

Gretchen Rubin from the Happiness Project www.happiness-project.com
Recently wrote about Happiness and Stability.

She refers to the 5 vows the monks of Cistercian make at the beginning of their profession: in addition to the vows we all know of poverty, chastity and obedience, they also make vows of stability and conversion of manners. (from a book titled The Sign of Jonas by Thomas Merton).

Like Gretchen, I find the vow of stability intriguing.

She applies it to marriage but I like to think it applies to most of the external relationships in our lives.

Gretchen writes “In the book, Merton explains: “By making a vow of stability the monk renounces the vain hope of wandering off to find a ‘perfect monastery.’ This implies a deep act of faith: the recognition that it does not much matter where we are or whom we live with…Stability becomes difficult for a man whose monastic ideal contains some note, some element of the extraordinary. All monasteries are more or less ordinary…Its ordinariness is one of its greatest blessings.”

We all believe at times that our current external situation is causing us unhappiness and cast around for the perfect relationship we think will make us happy: the perfect job, the perfect partner, the perfect country. When the newness and excitement of the relationship wears off, we are left with the “ordinariness and normality” of the situation – this is when one can sometimes begin, again, to search for the “perfect person; perfect place, perfect relationship”. This is the time when we should examine the “stability” in ours lives and recognise this special quality. The “perfect monastery” is an attitude – not a place.

Realistically, there are times when an external change to our circumstance will make a great deal of difference to our happiness. When those situations present themselves, consider them wisely.