Relationships 101

When I announced that I would be writing about “relationships” in December I had a couple of emails saying things like whoopee and wow; and one email from a good friend which said: “what the heck do you know about relationships, you aren’t even married”.

Well, firstly: there are lots of different types of relationships out there other than a married relationship. But I guess in a way, he has a point. Marriage is one of the most important, life time commitments/relationships you will ever have – and this relationship has an enormous effect on your happiness. I was married once – a long time ago - for a very short time; and I often make a little joke that goes along the lines of having had an unsuccessful marriage but that I have had a very successful divorce.

Secondly: was I miffed about my friends comment? Not really. Having been successfully single for about 96% of my life, I am used to comments like this. We (the human race), like it or not, like people to be married or at least in a long term relationship – it fits the norm. At least now in my near dotage, I don’t have to put up with people asking me why I’m not married…does the human race actually know what a grim question this is? Do they actually except you to “fess up” to some major personality defect, sexual aberration or other deviant behaviour? Just joking….but what the heck are you supposed to answer when someone asks you this? (Note to everyone: I see youngsters cringe and die a thousand deaths when adults ask them why they haven’t got a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?....don’t do this, please)

But just to clear the air and speculation, I will share this with you: I have viewed another marriage with a very cautious eye. The few offers I have had over the years have either not been at the right time in my life (ie. I was so broke I would end up at month end with R2.37, I was struggling to build a career, get some sort of life and stability etc etc), or, he was not the right long term marriage partner – which one really only finds out about after the flush of new love fades a bit and these had me very quickly bolting for the hills…never to be seen again for dust. Seriously though – I have had strong reasons for not taking the plunge; primarily that I didn’t just want someone just to pick up the bills and even more importantly, I had a child. If the potential marriage partner wasn’t going to treat her as the special person she is, then I wasn’t going there. I needed someone like my brother who has been a fab step father to his kids – I needed someone to love me and my child and be very happy with the entire package (including the pet).

My brother had to contend with a particularly grim step mother who fortunately didn’t last too long and I had to put up with a really awful nasty, viscous step father (actually my mother’s long term partner of about 45 years or so). He died a little while ago and when I phoned my aunt and uncle to pass on the news, the first thing my aunt said was “well, thank goodness for that..” I guess that says it all. His funeral service was on my birthday and we all joked that he had done it on purpose….he really was a miserable sod. So, I have always felt that I needed to be extra careful about inflicting a step father on my daughter….even in her adulthood. And should I get over this little personality quirk? Sure I should…there are heaps and heaps of perfectly lovely, kind people (men) out there and I am blessed that I have met lots and lots and lots of them – I just haven’t wanted to marry any of them *grin*.

So whilst I may not have been married for long, I think / know I can talk about relationships….any kind, any type, any place and any time. Relationships are the things that make our world go round; they make us happier that we could ever have imagined and they also make us the saddest.

Love and happiness to you all