Penelope Trunk (of the Brazencareerist.com) made a couple of great one liners about questions which I jotted down because they really struck a cord. (Unfortunately I can’t give you the exact references because I only copied the statement!) These notes have been sitting in my “future blog” file for some time and my observation over the last couple of weeks has prompted me to now write about “questions”
The question that generates an answer you can’t cope with: The answer is usually just the thing we want to avoid – So, we avoid asking the question OR we rephrase the question in the hopes that we will get a “softer” answer. But ultimately, we know the answer but don’t want to hear it.
Hint: Make sure you want to hear the answer if you do ask the question.
You ask me a question when five people have given you an answer you don't like: Don’t you just hate this? It happens so often – especially in business. And the person asking the question is just hoping like mad that some poor sucker will give him the “right/wrong” answer, and he bandies that poor guys name all over the place…. “but Joe said I could have 75% discount….” and the pooh really hits fan especially for poor Joe.
Hint: Just don’t do this – it is so annoying and you wont win any friends.
Not every good question leads to a great relationship: Sometimes those great questions you have lined up will reveal that the other person actually doesn’t have a clue.
Hint: This can be disappointing – but ask anyway. You can't always wear rose coloured specs.
Learn to take criticism well by choosing your critics well: This is my particular favourite. Don’t you just love it when people criticise something you have done (written, painted, sculpted, photographed) and they don’t know what the heck they are talking about?
Hint: Don’t get too upset about unqualified and unsolicited criticism – worry about the other sought after qualified stuff and take it on the chin.
My Observations about questions
It is not just politicians who don’t give straight answers to questions. Many people just don’t answer the question – at all. It doesn’t matter what the question is they will say something like “Well hmmmm……” and then launch into something they want to tell you. And you are left a bit bemused wondering where that came from, repeat you question and they say “Well hmmm.….” And then go off on another tangent, different to the previous one and you are left even more bemused and wondering what this has to do with what you asked. And when the question is asked a third time and you want to say something like “just answer the damn question” they have a little hissy fit and feel very miffed and misunderstood ….. Go figure.
Hint: Just answer the question - if you don't understand the question, paraphrase it back to the person doing the asking and then answer it - don’t say something you think the person might like to hear instead. If you don’t want to answer the question – say so.
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